a good listener?
Chances are you’re not.
Please don’t take this personally; I’m not talking about you in particular. What I am referring to is that statistically most people are bad listeners, or not listeners at all.
This was a realisation that crept up on me as I worked on my new book, which is about finding your essential identity through taking action.
As I worked on the book, I took pains to describe the obstacles that you will encounter along your way.
I think this is important because I don’t believe in just focusing on the positive; I believe it is important to stay positive, but to be aware of potential obstacles and the risk of failure.
As I wrote, researched and made reference to my own experiences of achievement and failure, the obstacle that showed up chapter after chapter in a legion of different disguises was the ego.
To a great extent, we have all the tools we need to accomplish anything we want, and to go anywhere we choose. In many cases, we are offered exactly what we need every single day.
The trouble is that most of us consistently ignore these gifts. The reason for this is that we are largely under the hegemony of our ego.
What is an ego?
My definition of ego is that it is that part of us that is obsessed with our own identity. Every time someone says anything to us, our ego’s first reaction is to think, “What does this say about me?”
I don’t know if you have ever had the following experience (I know I have):
You tell someone about something that is happening in your life, or something general even. You are not making reference to them; you are talking about you, and you just feel like sharing.
And yet the person gets offended. They somehow manage to interpret what you said as being about them. Sometimes the leap from what you said to their interpretation of what you said is incredibly long.
This is just one example of the ego’s tendency to interpret everything in the world as being about itself.
The trouble is, if you see everything around you in the light of your ego, then you will live in an extremely limited world.
Paradoxically, the most selfish thing may be to let go of your ego a little bit, because the breathing space you will gain can take you to the most marvellous places. The world is far bigger than we generally think.
A highly effective doorway to this wider reality is listening.
Listening is an art. It takes practice. And the most challenging part of that practice is overcoming yourself.
But that is for another post.
Learn more about this subject here.